Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

My husband and I have been successful in love and in life.  We are of means both financially and with family and loved ones.  We have been friends with a couple for years and they are the salt of the earth.  They have been hit with some real set-backs.  They have repeatedly refused any offers of help, but we’re really concerned and wish to make a gift. We know they’ll refuse.  TT, what should we do? (South Park, Michigan)

South Park,

You tell them that they’re going to take your help and stop being such primadonnas. Otherwise, your feelings will be hurt. You can’t let them get away with this.  Who do they think they are? ###

Tough Talk,

Are christening invitees required to attend the ceremony in far-off destinations?  I ask because my sister-in-law is giving everyone grief about going to another county.  It’s only forty miles away, but I think they’re trying to blow off a gift.  What do you think TT? (Dingens, Delaware)

Dingles,

I think you’re right and insist and demand that they attend the ceremony. And even if they don’t, they’re still expected to send a gift – and a nice one.  Tell them that if they don’t, you’ll be pissing mad.  Who do they think they are?

###

Tough Talk,

I have a good friend who whenever we meet, says hello by gently touching the left side of my face.  At first I thought it was a sign of affection, but now I think it’s a strange way of showing me who’s boss.  Regardless, I don’t like it, but don’t want to hurt the feelings of one of my closest friends.  What should I do TT? (Bonnett, Florida)

Bonner,

Tell your friend to keep her GD hands off you.  It’s creepy and weird.  What the hell is wrong with you? If she keeps it up, give her a dose of pepper spray or other offensive odor and cut her loose.  Don’t tolerate this nonsense.

###

Tough Talk,

I’m embarrassed to say, but I was in an abusive relationship with my girlfriend.  She treated me awfully and I just took it.  It took me ten years to wake up and get away from her.  During this time, she isolated me by causing problems with my friends and family.  Looking back, it was like some corpse or vampire walked into my life. I’m trying to make up and repair the damage of the relationships, but they seem indifferent if not mildly contemptuous of my situation.  Any advice TT? (Seneca, Kentucky)

Seneca,

These are the consequences of a warped and ugly world and you allowing yourself to go along with it.  Do your best to repair your girlfriend’s damage.  But don’t be surprised if people think you’re a putz, squid, loser, etc.  Family and friends are forever.  Anyone who doesn’t understand that is a guttersnipe of the highest order. You should have seen this from the get-go.

###

Let’s take a moment of silence for Pete. He will be sorely missed by those who knew him.

###

Tough Talk,

There is a neighbor who walks his dog which regularly craps on our lawn.  We’ve asked him to clean it up or have him go somewhere else, but something is wrong with him, like he’s lost in space or this deep fog.  How should I tactfully address this issue with him? (Brighton, New Mexico)

Brightoon,

Time for tact is gone.  It’s time to get an air rifle, pepper gun or paintball rifle.  You don’t want to do real damage to the animal, only make sure he leaves with a bad taste in his mouth, so to speak.  A wad of buckshot while he’s squatting down will do the trick.

###   

Tough Talk,

My father recently passed away after a long battle with cancer.  There’s this woman at the grocery store that I regularly run into and trade information on produce and sales and whatnot.  Once I told her why I hadn’t been shopping lately, she started asking very personal questions about my Dad and then said it was his fault for having a bad diet.  One, I don’t think it was true and two, she was very arrogant and condescending to me right after the loss of a parent.  Like I just had a flat tire.  Should I be offended by her behavior TT?  (Barvey, Missouri)

Barvo,

You should be terribly offended!  Who does she think she is?  Next time you see her at the grocery, tell her there’s a sale on Crisco and lard and she better get as much as she can, but then say she doesn’t need any stupid juice because she has plenty as it is.  She will realize that you are insulting her.  Then tell her to FO&DD.

###

Tough Talk,

I’m in a long distance relationship for almost three years.  I really love this guy, but we are tied to our jobs and don’t want to leave what we spent years working for.  However, for me, I no longer like this situation.  What should I do TT? (Payne, Tennessee)

Paine,

This is a tough one.  You need to tell squidley to quit his job and immediately move down to your place.  If he blows you off, extract some other concession.  Just keep at it and don’t be a woosey.

###

Tough Talk,

My husband’s aunt’s sister’s cousin’s little brother’s girlfriend’s great aunt and Grandmother is really a character.  She’s s a peach TT. Everyone loves her except at the dinner table.  She takes all the food when passed around, forks food off of others’ plates and makes these delightful noises really meant for a barnyard or zoo as opposed to a dinner table. She is really embarrassing. Not sure how to handle this? What do you think TT? (Trowbridge, Delaware)

Drawbridge,

This is a very delicate situation to navigate.  At the next holiday meal, make sure she is always served last.  When she tries to take food off your plate, stab her hand with a fork or knife. When she makes embarrassing sounds, escort her to the kids table or her own special table.  Holidays are for everyone.  Don’t let her spoil your fun.

###  

Tough Talk,

I am the youngest sister with three older brothers.  My oldest brother is a good and decent man, but he has mean streak and is nasty to his younger brothers.  I’m sick of his power trips, stuck-up attitude and snot nose looks.  What should I do TT? (Koester, Maine)

Koaster,

Normally I’d say be honest with your feelings and go right up to his face and start a problem – be honest and tell him what a POSFAH he is.  But for some reason, I’m thinking you should “fix-up” his are and put on some awesomely cool racing stripes and whatever else might come to your mind, maybe snot-nose remarks.  Invest in some spray paint.

###