Today’s Column: July 24, 2020
Tough Talk,
I need your advice. It was my 40th Birthday and I live away from my family. I’m not expecting much, but if you’re going to send a gift send a halfway decent one. My Aunt sent me a sympathy card that was crossed out with Happy Birthday in its place. My big brother sent me a pack of pipe cleaners even though I gave up smoking years ago. My mother sent me a pen cap, an expired coupon to a crappy restaurant I told her I hated and a couple sticks of stale and old gum. I don’t know what to think, only that I have been insulted and they envy my success. TT I need some guidance. (Wisaukee, CO)
Dear W-,
This is a difficult situation to navigate. Only you know if your family members are nasty pieces o’crap or just SFB morons. If they are nasty, the best thing to do is bide your time and enjoy a good practical joke, like telling them that they’ve been exposed to some toxic chemical and will suffer agonizing pain after a sumptuous feast. Also, you might want to leave evidence of someone unsuccessfully trying to firebomb their car (assuming they own one). A burnt plastic bottle will do the trick. Just be creative. Good Luck and don’t get caught J
Tough Talk 