Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

I just want to thank you for some great advice you gave me a while back.   I really can’t thank you enough.  You’re the best.  Thank you very much. (Bristol, Vermont)

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Bristol,

I know.  You are welcome.

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PS

How can Olga be such a dear friend if she won’t introduce you to her friends? Don’t be such a dope.

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Dear Tough Talk,

I have a friend whom I will call “Olga.”  She is a dear friend where we met at a convention for oven mitts, aprons and expired coupons.  We regularly meet for coffee and she always tells me about her friends and her significant other, but has made it clear that I will not be involved or meet her friends, family or boyfriend.  She has this group of friends and then this group of friends and on and on and on.  I find it a bit off-putting, but have come to accept it over the years, but my sister thinks she is rude and crass.  What is your opinion TT? (Aspinwood, South Carolina)

A’wood,

Tell “Olga” she needs to stop being such a stuck-up piece of crap and get over herself and her little wackage cliques.  Who the hell the does she think she is?  You also should tell her she needs to take a pair of pliers and rip the bug up out of her ass.  Don’t tolerate this nonsense anymore.

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Tough Talk,

We have a nephew who just completed his tour of duty as an enlisted marine.  He has a child and his wife works really hard and goes to school.  He just sits at home and has his mother take care of the child.  He does nothing but watch tv and vape, whatever the hell that means TT.  He refuses to look for work even though there are numerous positions out there.  What should we do? (Twyla, Tennessee)

Twyla,

All you have to do is repeatedly and continually tell Corporal Squidley, “Thank you for your service.”  He’ll start looking for work soon enough.

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Tough Talk,

My brother sent me a gift card for my birthday for a posh restaurant I’ve always wanted to go to.  However, I really need some hardware equipment and was wondering if it’s rude to send him the card back and ask for another gift card for the shop I’d like to go to.  What’s your take on this TT? (Clearview, Ontario)

Clearview,

I don’t think it’s rude at all, but I wouldn’t send the card back just yet.  I’d tell him he’ll get it back when he sends the new gift card.  I’m sure he’ll understand that he can’t be trusted in this situation.

And don’t be a hoser, eh . . .

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A DAY OF CELEBRATION OF HAPPINESS AND JOY

Tough Talk is delighted to announce the passing and demise of Henry Kissinger.  The amount of blood on his hands could fill the Grand Canyon: Viet Nam, Chile, the Middle East . . .  This list goes on and on. 

Please join TT in saying good riddance to this deep state stooge.  Let’s take a moment out and celebrate the end of this percolating and hideous evil that has perverted this country’s foreign policy for decades.  It’s time to get down.   Champagne corks will be popping! Great news to kick off the holiday season folks.

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Tough Talk,

I have just been selected to be a part of a wonderful wedding.  It’s really quite an honor.  Do you think I should send a thank you card or other expression of gratitude?  (Eastview, Utah)

Eastview,

No.  Don’t bother.

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Tough Talk,

I have met a delightful young lady and I think she is the one and she has hinted at this too.  Problem: she has this “friend” who is always making condescending remarks about me and is generally a pompous jerk.  I later found out he really likes her and has wanted to date her for years.  Although he plays all sweet and nice and is just the greatest guy you’d ever want to meet, I don’t trust him at all.  What do you think TT? (Krehmore, Georgia)

Krehmier,

You’re right.  I don’t trust this guy at all either.  I can just tell he’s a guttersnipe.  You need to tell this delightful woman of yours to cut him loose as soon as possible.  He deserves nothing less, pretending he’s all sweet, cuddly and innocent when you know what his goal really is.  It’s all an act. Don’t be a schmuck or a dope.

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Tough Talk,

My husband and I are at odds with how we keep the house clean.  I believe it’s okay if the place isn’t immaculate and if something needs to be done, it doesn’t have to be immediately.  However, he is really uptight and can’t sand if anything is out of place or just not right. How do you think I should talk to him about this problem as he is really starting to bug me? (Eastbrook, Florida)

Easterbrook,

The answer is obvious.  You need to bug him back by continually annoying him: moving items around, hiding stuff from him and anything else you can think of to set him off.  When he does go off, tell him that that’s how you feel with his being a dingbat all the time.  This will be one step in a long training process.  Let me know it goes and we’ll move to step 2.

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Tough Talk,

I work at an office where we recently received the most vile and loathsome piece of trash imaginable.  I won’t even discuss it; it was so awful.  My office mates think we should find out who sent it, but I think we should let it slide unless of course it happens again.  What do you think TT?  (Halston, Ohio)

Halston,

Your coworkers are correct.  You need to get to the bottom of this, find out who sent it and then raise holy hell.  Who does this person think they are?  You can’t ignore this and you must take action.  Don’t be a gutless toad.

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