Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

I’m going to move out of the apartment I have been sharing with my girlfriend for the past several years.  I know she will understand that this is something I have to do and that it will be a blessing for our relationship.  Anything else I should be telling her? (Vickers , Rhode Island and Providential Plantations)

Vicstupid,

Are you brain-damaged or cognitively impaired some way?  Of course she is going to take it as a slap in the face.  A blessing – how stupid can you be?  You need to stay where you are or cut your losses and move on.  Yeah, that’s a brilliant idea you came up with, ya tool.

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Tough Talk,

I own a greenhouse that’s been in our family for years.  I’m sure you’ve seen obituaries that advise folks to send donations in lieu of flowers.  This has really hurt our business as people think it’s now preferable.  Can you advise your readers to not put these blurbs in the obits of loved ones? (Forest, Ohio)

Forest,

No, I will not.

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Tough Talk,

I’m in a relationship with a man who is almost 40 years my senior.  We’re both married and I know it’s wrong, but there is this something between us.  For the two years we’ve been together, he has said just move in with him in his nearby city and we will work out the rest. Finally, I told him when could I move in and he just started stammering.  He was clearly surprised that I was seriously considering it as my husband has been really nasty lately as his Sunday comics collection was recently damaged in a flood.  What should I do now that he’s changing his tune? (Niagara Falls, South Dakota)

Niagara,

It’s not clear what is exactly wrong with the two “loves” of your life, but what is apparent is that you have a really bad taste in men.  Both these guys are losers of the highest order.  The guy who wants you to move in with him was lying to you from the start (probably just to get into your goodysack) and comic crybaby is too clueless to know what’s up.  Cut both of these squidleys loose.

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Tough Talk,

My daughter who is lovely and vivacious young woman and I had a pretty bad fight when she visited for a long weekend.  We both said some hurtful things and I wrote to her apologizing and asking her to call me.  I was expecting a nice call and we would make up and get back to our regular talks and routine.  But she wrote back that she was still upset with me and my behavior and didn’t think it was a good idea to speak for a while.  I’m miffed and totally thrown by this.  What do you think I should do TT? (Union, New Jersey)

Union,

You need to get your daughter on the phone now and by now I mean yesterday and tell her who does she think she is answering back to you like that.  You demand an apology and if you aren’t satisfied with her response, you ramp it up a couple more notches.  Don’t be touchy feely.

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Tough Talk,

I dear friend of mine is renewing her vows with her husband. I introduced them many years ago.  She is a very successful woman and no longer has time for her friends from youth – we just didn’t make the cut.  Anyways, she sent me a video link for the event and not an invitation to the ceremony itself.  This just rubs the wrong way TT.  What do you think? (Tonawanda, Tennessee)

TT,

I think this sucks.  You should be the most important person in the ceremony and they’re giving you a link to watch it on tv or your S-Phone*?  They should be ashamed of themselves for such a sleezy and tacky maneuver.  What you should do is send them half a roll of toilet paper as a gift saying thanks for nothing.

*S stands for Stupidity.

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Tough Talk,

My daughter and son-in-law just sent out requests for gifts and donations for their son’s high school graduation.  His older sister graduated two years ago with a huge party and presents.  They have always been embarrassed of him and just talk about his older sister – who’s a nice girl, but a little over-rated if you ask me.  He’s a good kid, but lost in space.  How should I handle this TT? (Delaware, Nevada) 

Delaware,

You tell your daughter that she is really awful for blowing off your grandson and to stop being a stuck-up primadonna vicariously living through your daughter.  The way they treat this young man is appalling – who do they think they are?

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Tough Talk,

I was at a party and learned several months later that I really pissed off a woman who is in my close circle of friends.  I have no idea what I did and no one will tell me. Thinking back, I understand now that everyone has been blowing me off and no longer inviting me to shindigs and parties.  What do you think I should do TT? (Vulcan, Mississippi)

Mr. Spock,

Nothing you can do.  This is like a community of baboons and they’ve decided to ostracize you.  If they’re too cowardly to tell you what happened, what a bunch of whiney little girls.  These so-called friends sound like a useless bucket of slop. You need to find another community.

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Tough Talk,

I have some friends that insist on taking items in my house after a visit.  They’re so sweet and innocent, “Can I have this?” I later find out that they either destroyed the item or passed it off as a rare gift to someone they don’t like.  I really like these people, but am I being taken advantage TT? (Eggert, Michigan)

Eggert,

Not only are these people taking advantage of your good nature, they are also taking advantage of your stupidity.  Next time they pull this HS, you tell them I do have a gift, a giant bucket toad sceat in the garage or backyard for you.  Go Help yourself!

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Tough Talk,

I was in a restaurant the other day and someone came over and asked that  I take off my hat.  I’m not sure why I did it, but I came away thinking that the man was rude and out of place.  What do you think TT? (Koster, Kansas)

Koster,

You should have told that POSFHA to mind his own GDF business and get the hell away from you.  What type of loser would pull such a maneuver?  Like he’s got nothing else better to do with his life.  What a dope and a squid. You should have immediately told him to FO&DD.  Don’t be a gutless toad.  

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Tough Talk,

I’m having a big problem.  We have recently moved closer to my parents and I like to be with them.  However, my husband does not like them at all.  My parents don’t like him either as he can be down right rude.  How should I deal with this problem TT? (Randwood, Pennsylvania) 

Randy,

The question really is who is the bigger doofus or dingleberry.  Why is your husband so hostile?  I’m sure he has a good reason and when you find out, you’ll need to cut your parents loose. I don’t think you have any other choice.

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