Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

How is it that I aged 20 years in 18 months? 

(Mada, Michigan)

Mada,

Welcome to the club!

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Tough Talk,

I had a friend from high school and we did everything together and were inseparable.  And then one guy I had a crush on liked her more. I became so jealous and overnight I made her my worst enemy and said and did awful things I’m ashamed to admit.  Looking back, I wish I behaved differently and want to apologize.  She however refuses to talk to me whatsoever.  I feel really bad and want to make amends.  What should I do TT?  (Bailey, Utah)

Bailey,

Although you were a child when this happened, you have to accept that you acted like a POS and no one would ever want to hang out with you.  However, I suggest you find her on her way to work or other unexpected moment and scream at the top of your lungs, “I’m sorry for being such a B!  What do you want?” And then start a fight, but let her win.  She will then forgive you or at least diminish the hostility against you.  You may have to take an ass-kicking, but that’s what you deserve.  If you really want her friendship, this is what you’ll have to do.

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TT,

I have a new girlfriend and I really like her.  She is nice, kind, really friendly and a total fox.  She is fun to be with.  The thing that bothers me is that she still has photos of her old boyfriend in her apartment and on her phone which she barely tries to hide.  It’s kind of clear that she still likes him even though he dumped her for one of her friends.  I try to overlook it, but it’s just too much.  What advice do you have for me TT? (Brantwood, Ohio)

Brant,

You must accept the fact that you are most-likely a rebound relationship and she will dump you as soon as it suits her.  She may even be using you to make the other guy jealous and to get back together with him.  What you need to do is continue to date her, but also look for other women as well.  Put her on the back burner and drop it nonchalantly that you can’t see her because “Olga’s” having you over for dinner or whatever. No matter what you do, make it clear that she’s a side interest.

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Please join Tough Talk and take a moment of silence and remembrance for one of this country’s finest leaders, El Hajj Malik el Shabazz, better know as Malcolm X.  Assassinated 58 years ago today at the Audobon Ball Room in Harlem, New York.

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Tough Talk,

I have a two daughters and a son with nephews, nieces and grandkids I’m sure to follow.  My son’s boy Torg works nearby and as much as we want to see him, he drops by at the most unexpected and annoying times.  Recently, he’s been getting worse by making demands and helping himself to a pop or whatever else is in the fridge.  We don’t mind his visits, but he doesn’t help out when you need it and acts like we’re doing him a favor TT. Like we should be waiting on him hand and foot.  What do you think we should do? (Trovers, Montana)

Trovers,

You need to take matters in to your own hands and the next time Torg (no wonder he’s a dingleberry) shows up, you make him wait outside for at least five minutes and any more pop you handout is flat or watered down with bath water or dish detergent.  Get some type of annoying music or new age wackage to play as soon as he shows up. Also, have a long list of chores you need him to immediately do like unclogging a toilet bowl or cleaning up after the neighborhood dogs.  If this doesn’t work, get back to me. ###

Tough Talk,

I have a neighbor who is always saying how busy he is and how hard working he is, but everyone knows he spends four hours a day if that doing nothing as it’s his wife and sister that actually do all the work.  I like the guy, but there are times when he acts superior when everyone knows he is just taking credit for other people’s work.  I don’t want to start problems as we are a tight community, but I find it really annoying.  What do you think I should do TT?  (Fairlawn, Michigan)

Fairlawn,

I am disgusted by you and your question.  You know exactly what to do and that is next time he pipes up how awesome he is you tell him right to his face: BS!  Everyone knows you’re a dick and loser and sponging off those women.  Get a backbone and tell Squidley to shut his GD mouth or move into a homeless shelter.  Let’s see what he does.

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Tough Talk,

I have plenty of friends and family and my husband and I have always been generous and welcoming to our home.  It’s amazing all the people and folks who need a place to stay when they are in the area.  I don’t want to be inhospitable, but several guests lately have taken advantage and have left the guest room in really gross and disgusting conditions.  We want to be inviting and welcoming to those friends and family who are visiting and away from home.  But our place shouldn’t be used as a pitstop and bingehole.  What do you think we should do TT?  (Argyle, Tennessee)

Argyle,

You should now demand some type of deposit, whether money, clothing or their transportation.  They will not have this returned unless you are entirely satisfied with the condition of the premises.  If they don’t like it, tell them to go to local motel or homeless shelter.  Who put it in your squirrel-like mind that you’re obligated to run a staging ground for losers and squids?  Pull your head up from out of your corn hole!

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Tough Talk,

I have a group of friends and we’ve been meeting and getting together for years.  We celebrate birthdays, holidays and all those times that make life precious.  However, one of our friends is demanding that we call him by a new name, stay at least six feet from him and never make eye contact.  Everyone is part of our group, but he’s just asking too much.  If he keeps making demands on us, we’ll have to ask him to leave and none wants to do that.  What do you think we should do? (Darwin, Nebraska)

Charlie,

Unfortunately that’s exactly what you’ll have to do and that’s kick this piece of crap to the curb.  People change and often not for the good.  It is an ugliness of our times.  Who does he think he is making these types of demands? Tell him in no uncertain terms that his new behavior is not welcome and indicative of a sick and demented mind.  If he doesn’t like it, there’s the door.  No one likes a snotty surly simpleton.  Don’t let him ruin time with your friends.  

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Tough Talk,

I love this woman and we’ve both had bad relationships, but like each other and now have been dating for a year.  She still lives with her parents and although keeps saying she will move in with me, never can give a solid date.  I know she is blowing me off and although I want to pop the question, won’t until I know what she’s like, and that takes living with someone.  What do you think I should do TT?  (Lamarck, Delaware)

Lamarky Mark,

You ask her point blank what her intentions are and if she won’t give you a straight answer – no matter what that may be – you cut her loose, suck up your losses and move on.  Otherwise, she is going to bring you nothing but hurt.  Dope be a dope.

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Tough Talk,

I have a cousin and we’ve known each other since we were little kids.  Circumstances have brought us back together as jobs have separated us for years at a time.  Unfortunately, we have had a wrinkle in our relationship in that she is a strong 2A supporter and I believe in gun control.  I don’t want to allow a political problem to cause friction between us.  But her continual harping on the subject is annoying.  What do you think I should do TT? (Rothers, Illinois)

Rothers,

You have to accept the fact that people disagree on these issues . . . neighbors, employees, friends and family.  I of course believe that all Americans, down to the age of 8 years old, should be acquainted with firearms.  Not just pistols and carbines, but also RPG launchers, bazookas and flame throwers.  I would love to see packs of little kids patrolling the streets.  I guaranty Americans would be more polite.  My advice is that you pull that bug up out of your ass and enjoy your 2A rights or go back to watching the idiot box.

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