Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

I have recently become engaged to a wonderful man after a long and topsy-turvy relationship.  After much give and take, we finally picked the date.  But everyone in both our families want to turn this into their own party and event.  They are constantly making demands and suggestions with the implication if we don’t do this, we may not get a nice gift or our relatives won’t be as generous as they could be.  They mean well and I understand that deep down, they love us both and want us to succeed.  But Tough Talk, they are driving us both crazy and we are thinking of just eloping.  What do you think TT? (Gainesville, MS)

G’ville,

Your relatives and your soon to be new family are awful and disgusting.  Talk about a bunch of spoiled brat children.  You tell them in no uncertain terms to shut their God damn mouths or there won’t be a wedding or they will not be invited.  And if they think of crashing, you will hire security to throw them out.  (You may wish to consider homeless people who are very good in these situations.)  You should also tell them to take their veiled threats and shove them back down their throat.  I am appalled by this and you should be too!  Don’t tolerate this any longer.

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Tough Talk,

I am doing the best I can to take care of some of my elderly family members, my uncle, a great aunt and a friend of the family for years.  They are all great and kind people, but they are getting old and have numerous physical ailments, especially these past couple years.  Their doctors and they themselves have restricted their activities and whom they will visit with.  The problem Tough Talk is that all these other family members are complaining and blaming me for their wanting not to see them – which I think is for sucking up to them to get something when they pass away.  Regardless, they blame me as if I have appointed myself some gatekeeper when I am just explaining doctors’ orders and their wishes.  They are starting to get very nasty and saying awful things about me.  I’d like to say well come and take care of them yourselves, but they’re selfish and lazy so that would never happen.  They are like vultures waiting for their meal to die.  What should I do TT?  (Pierre, SD)

Pierre,

This is complete nonsense.  Who do these people think they are?  You call them immediately (or wait until midnight) and tell them you are only doing what your relatives want.  You should also tell them that they are selfish spoiled brats who only care about themselves and hope to get something when they kick the bucket.  They are disgusting and need to be put in their place. Don’t tolerate this one more second.

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Tough Talk,

I have a friend from college and we’ve stayed in touch through the years.  She was always kind and decent-hearted.  We always send each other birthday and holiday cards.  Lately though, she has been sending me these crappy cards that non-profit groups send out for free for donations.  They are also dirty with coffee stains and other markings. I always send her nice store-bought cards that keep getting more and more expensive.  It’s not a big deal, but she’s also been testy on the phone when we catch up every few weeks – saying some snide remark about my weight.  I’ve porked up a bit, but she doesn’t have to rub it in my face as she is in great shape.  Tough Talk, what do you think?  (McHooters Bend, Indiana)

McHooters,

It sounds like your friend is getting bitter with age and losing her sense of self.  A common result of modern day-life.  You shouldn’t ignore this change in behavior.  You should now send her cards that are made from your paper garbage like envelopes, post-it notes or whatever refuse you may come across.  For example, my brother took a X-mas card, crossed out the message and sent it as a happy birthday card. Also McHooters, the next time she puts you down for gaining a little weight, you can tell her that at least you’re not a stuck up snot and arrogant jerk.  This is something you have to do, especially with the holiday season upon us.

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TT,

At a recent family reunion, I met a distant cousin who works near me.  We have had lunch and gotten together a few times.  Shortly thereafter, I offered emotional support when she was having some problems at her job.  I now realize that she is terribly needy and will not stop calling me for advice and support whenever she is upset, which is all the time.  It’s like she can’t go to the bathroom without having a problem.  Although we are related, there is no real connection between us.  I’d like to continue having her in my life, but not like this.  But then I feel guilty because she is family.  What should I do TT? (Wykogee, Minnesota)

Wykoogee,

You have nothing to feel guilty about.  Just remember, you can pick your friends, but not your family.  The next time she calls with some of her nonsense, bounce back with some more nonsense, like her problems are due to the moon and earth’s magnetic interaction and to wrap herself in tinfoil, stand upside down and then walk out in public buck naked at sunset.  Insist that she does this, otherwise you’re going to be really upset and then pissed off.  And then keep pushing it and pushing it.  I guaranty she won’t be bothering you for long.

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Tough Talk,

I have been taking care of my nephew and his wife’s children since they were born.  After a rocky marriage they are getting divorced after a major blow-out in front of the children.  Of course, I love my nephew and I made some not so nice remarks about his wife in front of the kids who are now getting ready for junior high.  I apologized for what I said as it was wrong and shouldn’t have been voiced in front of children.  But what I said was the truth as she has been a real trollop.  But now, she keeps bashing me and bashing me and won’t let it die.  What should I do TT?  (Nioma, Washington)

Nioma,

You can’t let this go on any longer.  You tell your ex-niece-in-law that she is way out of line to keep running her big fat mouth.  After all you have done for her and her kids, how dare she say anything.  Where does she get off? You were honest and strong enough to apologize.  You tell her to do the same or there will be hell to pay.

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Tough Talk,

I live and work in New York City.  I am in the advertising business and resemble a main stream star who’s had their fair share of embarrassing incidents lately.  I won’t mention the name to protect how important I am.  But most people would think it’s awesome to look like so-and-so, but it’s not.  It actually sucks.  Everyone, including strangers, coming up to me and asking me, “Do you know, you look just like XX?”  I don’t want to be rude, but I’ve had it, especially with all the snickering and snot-nose remarks lately?  What advice do you have for me TT?  (New York City, Georgia)  

NYC,

Don’t tolerate this HS any more.  I would respond, “No you SFBM, no one has ever told me that before.”  Wait another second, and ask, “Are you that  . . . stupid?” Continue with insulting questions: “Are you that much of a dope?  Do you think you’re the first person to say that? Would you like an autograph,” and hand them a slip of paper with f you written on it. Also, you might say, yes, so-and-so is related to me and ask if they’d like to meet them.  Take their number and start crank calling them and keep blowing them off.  Regardless, you have to do something – don’t cop out.

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Dear Tough Talk,

My father-in-law is a kind and decent man.  He has always supported me and my husband when so many people were against us.  Our marriage prevailed and succeeded when so many people were hoping for us to fail and get divorced.  We look forward to our outings with him, but it’s a non-stop travelling show.  “Let’s go here.   Let’s do this.”  He means well, but his taste in outings is embarrassing.  One time we went to this museum about vermin: rodents, lice, chiggers . . .  Absolutely disgusting!  Sometimes we just want to enjoy ourselves, but we don’t want to hurt his feelings.  What do you think I should do TT?  (Fayettsville, KY)

Fayettsville,

Unfortunately, hurting this man’s feelings is exactly what you’re going to have to do. Next time you get together, you tell him that his taste in events is awful and you’re all going to do what you want to do.  The question I have is why isn’t your husband taking charge of this nonsense and taking the bull by the horns?  Why is it your responsibility to handle this and not his?  Tell them both to stop their wackage and stop being such creepy dopes! 

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Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

Tough Talk is delighted if not elated to announce the death of her majesty the Queen of England.  Good Riddance you old bat!

Join Tough Talk in celebrating the passing and demise of a foul and degenerate harridan of the highest order.  The Windsors aren’t even English, but German (Saxe-Coburg -n- Gotha).  As much as TT may admire the land of Two-Tone, if the English had any decency and character, they would have destroyed their aristocracy centuries ago. But they’d rather wallow in a pool of pomposity and call the US the “colonies,” sniveling about their past and finished glory. Talk about a bunch of whiny losers!

If it weren’t for their banking and financial economy, the UK oligarchy would have slipped into oblivion decades ago.

But we can all take pleasure and joy that that miserable and filthy virago will join her husband in hell, but hopefully won’t reincarnate into a virus.  Otherwise, we’re all in for a rough ride.  Regardless, party down and have a blast this weekend.  You deserve it folks!

PS

The outpouring of grief for her is appalling, disgusting and offensive.

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Tough Talk,

I coach a young girls’ soccer team.  These young ladies are the nicest, kindest group of girls you could possibly meet.  They are bubbly, perky, vivacious and always delightful.  There’s Booksie who is the most outgoing, with Sookie, Shirly, and Bobsey who are their own little gang.  There are also the two Susans and the heart of the team, little Miriam, who is always starting problems, but she means well.  She’s gutsy and always has a snide, rude remark when you least want one.  These young ladies have worked really hard all season and now they are in the championship play-offs, and by golly, they have a chance of winning.  Tough Talk, I am not good with words or speeches, but do you have any words of wisdom or advice to inspire them in what will be a very difficult competition?  (Gorth, Louisiana)

Gorth,

Yeah: “Don’t *$!%@#$^(!) this up.”

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Tough Talk,

My wife’s sister is constantly correcting people on their etiquette whenever she is able.  We go out most Fridays for dinner which our whole family loves, but she now ruins it and no one can stand being with her.  Especially when she drinks, if you know what I mean TT.  Like she is so smart for knowing what stupid fork to use and jumping all over an 8 year-old girl because she doesn’t.  Everyone is sick of her and she is too stupid to keep her fat mouth shut or just doesn’t care.  What should I do?  (Louisburg, Utah)

Louisburg,

This is a tough situation and I’m glad you asked for some tough talk.  My first reaction would be to tell her to keep her mouth shut the next time she pulls any nonsense.  But then I think, maybe the best way to handle this is to cut her loose.  You and your family should tell her you’re not having your weekly get-together, but instead go to another restaurant and blow her off.  One day, she’ll find out and you tell her that no one likes her and can’t stand her big fat mouth.  And of course, have this discussion in front of that little kid she mocked out.  You will enjoy this talk when it happens as it’s only a matter of time.

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