Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

I am dying of a bazaar and unique cellular rot that has afflicted my family for generations. It’s a cross between cancer and a slow-acting ebola.  I am disintegrating before everyone’s eyes which is accompanied by awful and putrid odors. I understand that my coworkers are scared and sympathetic or nasty and rude.  It makes no difference as most people are just afraid, seeing death staring them in the face.  I don’t know how much time I have left, but I wish to keep working as long as I can.  However, I am sick of the continual questions of how am I doing.  It’s like people are just waiting for me to die – measuring the curtains in my office.  Tough Talk, how do I handle this situation?  (Highcastle, Texas)

Highcastle,

I am sorry to hear of your situation and thank you for asking my advice at this difficult and tragic time. I see two options: One, tell all your coworkers that your imminent demise is none of their concern and if you have any information, you’ll share it with them.  Otherwise, mind your own damn business and stop with your stupid questions.  Or two, give them more information than they would possibly want to know.  In other words, make them regret asking you by disgusting them until they puke.  From your description, it sounds like you have plenty of stories to regale your colleagues each and every day.  Give them the opportunity to inspect your bodily fluids in the work place refrigerator or leave a sample at their desk in a plastic container if they keep persisting.  Have some fun and be creative!

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Tough Talk,

I have an aunt and she is just a peach.  She always has something nice to say and brings me and the kids jams, jellies and anything else she comes across.  She also is able to get clothing, medical supplies (think diapers and other objects), and incontinence devices that are for old and crippled people.  She means well, but it’s really a nuisance taking it to the local drop-offs and donation sites.  I don’t want to hurt her feelings TT, but it’s like she is dumping off stuff nobody else wants.  What should I do?   (Traders’ Grove, MT)

T-Grove,

Unfortunately, that’s exactly what you have to do. and be brutally honest.  You tell her that you are sick of all the crap she’s dumping off and take it to a homeless shelter, police station or other place that “helps” disadvantaged people.  You are not running a flea market or auction place for her daily pickings. This may seem harsh, but it’s the only solution.  But if this isn’t for you, then I suggest you dump it off on her front lawn late at night or when she is out of the home.  When she asks if you dumped it on her front lawn, you say you have no memory, but maybe you did.   She will get the hint.    

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Tough Talk,

I have had it with my in-laws.  They are constantly insulting me in front of my two girls.   They find fault with everything I do.  And to make matters worse, my wife agrees with them, telling me and even some of my friends that I am a bad father.  I know I’m not perfect, but I certainly don’t deserve this abuse.  Especially when she ignores her little brother, a degenerate scoundrel who really thinks he’s hot $@#(!), but that’s another story.  I want the kids to be happy, but I can’t pretend it’s going to go away.  TT, what should I do?  (Albuquerque, AZ)

Albuquerky,

Sounds like your in-laws are pathetic losers who get off on picking on someone whom they know can’t or won’t make a scene.  You need to stop being a putz and a coward and tell them at the top of your voice that they are detestable pieces of @!%#$@&^$(!) and to drop dead.  If they don’t like it, there’s the door.  And of course, this has to be done in front of the girls.  Don’t cop out.  You’ll be glad that you did.  Also, feel free to discuss your brother-in-law and you and I will handle this cocky little rooster together.

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Dearest Tough Talk,

I love my husband.  But his parents are the most bitter, nasty and condescending people I have ever met.  They are plain rude and will insult me to my face.  My husband sits back and either ignores it or a couple of times even giggled, like insulting my intelligence in front of our children is ok.  I’ve told him that I don’t like this, but he does nothing and says that’s just how they are and ignore it.  I’ve decided to do everything I can to avoid them, but they’re like trolls, always showing up and starting problems.  All they have to do is keep their big fat mouths shut, at least in front of the kids, but that’s asking too much.  They can’t help but start problems.  That’s how they get their jollies. TT, what should I do.  (Hogan, Louisiana) 

Hogan

I don’t know whom I should be more disgusted with . . . you, your husband or your in-laws.  Under no circumstances can you tolerate this situation any longer.  You tell your husband to tell his parents that they are no longer welcome if they continue to deride and insult you in your own home. If he refuses than you must take drastic action.  I suggest you take a bucket of cold water and dump it on him the next time your in-laws start a problem.  After that, dump a bucket of cold water on mom or dad the next time they mouth off to you.  If your husband were half a man, he would have stopped this long ago.  And if you weren’t such a gutless toad, you wouldn’t have allowed it either.  Don’t tolerate this nonsense any longer. Take the bull by the horns – you won’t be sorry.

P.S.

I’m not your dearest. 

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Tough Talk,

I’ve recently made friends with a kind and decent woman in church and as the world is small, through work.  I am a single mom who loves her two daughter ages seven and nine.  In the past couple months, we’ve gone out to lunch and other places.  She has started being kind of rude and twice in front of the girls.  She may giggle afterward, but there is nasty tone to her voice.  I let it go as I didn’t want to start a problem.  I didn’t want to embarrass the girls and cause problems at work and socially through church and those friendships. She has also been generous.  Now, she was telling me, not asking, but telling me to pick her up early Saturday morning and take her to the airport.  I said I would as it’s not really a problem.  I’m bothered by this.  Am I wrong TT? (Logansville, NC)

Logan,

Yes you are. And I am appalled! This woman is taking advantage of you and your two daughters.  My guess is that she is a very lonely person who envies you because of the kids and because you are better looking than her.  It always comes down to that with women in the end.  You tell her that that she can get her own ride to the goddamn airport and if she doesn’t like it, tell her to drop dead.  Your time is valuable and should not be spent as a taxi driver.  Especially on the weekend.  As for your church buddies, who gives a damn?  I know I don’t.  Find another church or other group of people to look their noses down on you.  Or maybe, get your own life.

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TT,

I recently had a strange situation when I learned that a friend who had passed away had lied about his past, especially about his employment and childhood.  However, he was basically a good person, not perfect, but he did help people when he could.  During one storm, he came over and fixed our water heater and other things.  At a recent picnic, some of his “friends” were mocking him out and putting him down for lying about his past.  Even though he did help these people too, they were insulting him like he was just some pathetic loser when he was very successful in his field.  When I heard this, I got really pissed off and told them off and even threatened to knock the crap out of them.  People were stunned and embarrassed, but I don’t care.  I don’t think it’s right what they said.  Was I wrong TT?  (Brookstown, WV)

B’town,

First off, I laud you for being honest with your emotions and feelings.  And if you did something wrong, it was only making a threat instead of taking action at that moment.  Be that as it may, you should be proud of yourself for defending a good person notwithstanding that he misled people about his past and accomplishments.  No one is responsible for the circumstances to which they are born and some people often have inner turmoil that they compensate with by changing their identity.  Personally, I pity them because they are trying to build themselves up by impressing others.  For me, most “others” are pieces of crap and who gives a damn what they think? I know I don’t.  The next time they start pulling this crap, you do what you think is best and take matters into your own hands.

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Tough Talk,

I have a niece who is a wonderful young lady.  She is kind, intelligent, bubbly and stunningly gorgeous.  We’ve been to the mall and I’ve seen boys start drooling over her, it’s disgusting and embarrassing.  Last week, there was a shin-ding where the whole family and friends were invited.  She was wearing this flesh colored outfit that was beautiful in a tawdry kind of way.  She looked like a hussy Tough Talk.  What should I do? (Miskoogan Falls, WY)

Miskoogy,

You need to tell this perky bubbly young lady to stop acting like a young hussy and drop the cutesy-poo routine immediately.  Pandering to men’s most base and revolting needs demonstrates a deep insecurity that shows that you are a nothing but a bimbo of the highest order. Also ask, who do you think you are and that you are disgusted by such behavior.  You will not be sorry.

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Tough Talk,

I work with a young woman who has had a recent spate of bad breaks.  Her boyfriend broke up with her, her mother passed away and left her nothing from a very wealthy estate and her supervisor has been just awful.  The problem is that when you help her, she acts very ungrateful and is constantly asking people for things that either they can’t do or is inappropriate, like asking her neighbor to spend time with her husband.  I feel bad for her, but she makes unreasonable demands and can be downright nasty when you politely tell her it’s not possible.  Tough Talk, I’m not sure how to talk to her about this or even if I should.  What should I do?  (Apple Island, Wisconsin)

Apple I,

It’s always difficult to talk about uncomfortable subjects with a person who is going through tough times.  The next time she asks you to do something that’s not right or you hear about it, you tell her to her face that she’s being a total snot and spoiled brat dingleberry.  If she spazzes out, you spaz out too.  All the better because you’re getting through to her squirrel like mind.  Don’t cop out if you really care about her.  She needs some tough talk.

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Tough Talk,

I am in a loving and committed relationship with a kind and decent man.  I love him dearly.  We are going to get married and God willing have children.  There is one thing that bothers me however.  He has several family members and friends who are nice, but can be very pushy.  They can also be rude and nasty, especially after they drink. I know he’s very close with them and has known them since childhood and we just met two years ago.  I don’t want to interfere with his life, but I don’t look forward to dealing with them for the rest of our lives either.  What should I do TT?

(Cranks Point, Utah)

CP,

The first thing you must do is not tolerate when they disrespect you.  Immediately tell them to stop being rude and arrogant.  Who the hell do they think they are?  Also, it sounds like your fiancée is a gutless toad.  A real man would not let this happen.  He knows damn well what is going on and if he doesn’t, he is a dope and maybe you should consider dumping him.  You may love him dearly, but that doesn’t make him any less of a dope or a schmuck.  Stand up for yourself.

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Join Tough Talk and take a few minutes out and celebrate the birth of the US’ 35th President, John Fitzgerald Kennedy, born on May 29, 1917 in Brookline, Massachusetts.  TT thanks everyone for their support and have a Happy Memorial Day.