Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

I was recently at me grocery store which I have been going to for a couple years now as it’s close to me home. The other day, I go in to get me a six pack of beer and the manager came to the check out line and demanded me ID. No problem, I gave him me license which shows I am of legal age (24). He then says our policy is to require two IDs, which is total BS. Of course, I didn’t have me passport or any thing else. He was a total jerk to me. And I know he knows who I am. I was embarrassed as I like the check-out girl who had this creepy look on her face. I will not go back there ever again. What do you think TT? (Skibbereen, County Cork, Ireland)

Skibbereen,

I am disgusted that you are unaware of the saying from your own people: “Don’t get mad, get even.” I would continue to shop there, but every time you go there now, you destroy some of their property and leave a mess. For example, surreptitiously take a jar of honey or jelly, open it up and leave it on the shelf upside down. Maybe destroy the packaging of certain goods or pinch something so hard no one will want it. Or if there’s a bathroom, you may want to leave a message in the stall in magic marker being honest with your emotions. Be creative. The manager is a jerk and a dope and was completely out of line. He was totally disrespectful. But under no circumstances let this slide. You have to take action.

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Tough Talk,

I have a girlfriend and I really love her a lot. We’ve been dating for almost a year and I’m thinking about popping the question. However, she is prone to nasty outbursts for not reason at all. I was helping her move some furniture and when I opened a window to get some fresh air, she had a hissy fit that you could hear miles from her apartment.   She was indignant that I would do this without running it by her. “I can open up my own GD window,” she bellowed. I hate when she acts like this TT. What should I do? (Blaizedale, UT)

Blaizedale,

Sit her ass down and have a discussion as to why her behavior is childish and a sign of being a totally rotten spoiled brat. Tell her that her outbursts have to end or you will be forced to take action (but there’s noting you can do). Unfortunately, she sounds like a valley girl princess who will not be able to change her behavior. You should dump her like a bag of three day old fish.

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Tough Talk,

I love my wife. She is a peach and a hoot. She looks great and has the world by the tail. Little bit of a problem, she has really bad halitosis. In other words TT, bad breath.   She can really stink. I also think it’s preventing her from rising higher at work. I love her dearly so don’t want to cause her any grief. What should I do TT? (Grooms Peak, Mississippi)

Grooms Peak,

First off, I know what halitosis means so don’t insult my intelligence. But there is nothing more refreshing than a person who is really happy with his marriage even though the other spouse has a body odor problem. Of course, you have no choice but than to raise the issue. I’m sure other people would agree with you. Have you thought about an intervention where you and several people get together and pin her down to really talk about the issue? You may also wish to record the intervention for posterity.

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Tough Talk,

Due to the recent situation, I now have to have teleconference at work. One of my colleagues is always goofing off, or walking out or eating or doing something to interfere with the meeting. One time it sounded like he was doing his business on the toilet. (Not sure, but I wouldn’t put it past him.) Another time, it sounded like X-rated material was in the background. Everyone is just ignoring it, but it’s getting out of control. “We’ve got a business to run, can’t you see?” TT I need your guidance on this. What should I do. (Hood, IN)

Hood,

It’s really simple. The next time something comes up like this, don’t ignore it, but ask him what is going on. “Are you taking a dump good buddy, while you’re on video? Are you out of your mind?” Put the ball in his court and have him explain what you’re seeing and hearing. And no matter what he says, just start laughing. Once you break the ice, everyone will join in. Just watch. It will be a feather in your career cap and you will be toasted throughout your realm.

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Send requests for advice to toughtalk1122@gmail.com

Tough Talk,

I’m an interior designer and events planner and have been in this field for almost 30 years. I am considered one of the leading lights in my city if not the county. I am constantly dealing with people, who aren’t even clients, who have no knowledge in this area and worst of all, no taste. These people would have their wedding at a parking lot or a fast food restaurant. But they presume to tell me what they would like to see, even though they’re just attending the ceremony. I don’t want to be offstandish, so what should I do TT? (Cyukers Creek, Idaho)

CC,

As I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, honesty is the best policy. You should tell these backseat drivers that their opinion is not welcome and beneath you as a person. Follow it up with something like, “You are not fit to polish my shoes. I am superior to you.” There is nothing more delightful than a pompous ass who is convinced of their superiority because of their taste in stuffing their face, or clothing or where they take a crap in the morning.   Make sure someone doesn’t punch you in your stuck-up face. But it’s unlikely, as the age of docility has descended. Be grateful you’re not living in my neighborhood.

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Send requests for advice to toughtalk1122@gmail.com

Tough Talk,

A good friend of mine recently sent me a fruit basket with tiny little bunnies on it. It’s meant to be cute, but it’s really creepy TT. They look baby rats or mutated mice. I’m amazed that she would buy such a thing, until I saw the receipt. I think if you’re not going to get a decent gift, then don’t bother. But this one takes the cake. I was going to show it to people, but it started to smell so I threw it away. It also gave me nightmares. I love my friend, but she’s been quirky lately if not offstandish. Should I tell her what I think about this all TT? (Woodle Parks, VA)

Woodle,

No, I wouldn’t waste my time getting indignant and yelling at your friend as she’s not the brightest bulb in the back. What you should have done is kept the gift and rewrap for her Christmas or Birthday gift. But since it’s gone, you should make her a really crappy arts and crafts project and brag about how much time, effort and huge expenses it took to make it. However, it must be a total piece of crap and has no value at all. Wrap it up nicely, and wait until the holidays. Put in dirty socks to make it smell bad.  Now, if she in any way shows disapproval, feign hurt and rejection and then become enraged and chew her out for being such a terrible friend. She will learn her lesson.

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Send requests for advice to toughtalk1122@gmail.com

Please join Tough Talk in celebrating the birth of Malcolm Little, better known as Malcolm X and later El Hajj Malik el Shabazz on May 19, 1925 in Omaha Nebraska. One of the finest American leaders of the 20^th Century, murdered when he was gaining public acceptance. Not to worry however, the NYC Police had no “direct involvement” in the assassination. Move along folks, nothing to see here.

Tough Talk,

I have always believed that a person should announce who they are when they introduce themselves or conduct business and to behave with aplomb and dignity. What’s bothering me TT is that when I call and go to my hair salon which I’ve been doing for some time, they always forget who I am. I continually have to repeat myself to make sure the people there remember my appointment. I believe they are doing this to annoy me and if that’s not enough, they whisper behind my back. If the goal is to annoy me, they have succeeded.  Unfortunately, this is the only salon in my area that is half way decent. TT, what advice do you have? (Red River, MN)

RR,

I see this two ways. One, you need pull the bug up out of your precious behind and give it a rest. You can’t expect everyone to remember who you are, especially in this country if you’re not paying people to do so. Memory and attention are dropping off at frightening levels. Docility roams free.   Or two, you can take the bull by the horns, and at the top of your lungs, answer the question, repeating what you just told them, followed up by a snot nose question like, “Are you paying attention?” or “What the hell is wrong with you?” or “Stop watching the idiot box you dope”.  They’ll remember who you are, guarantied.

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Send requests for advice to toughtalk1122@gmail.com

Tough Talk,

I supervise a colleague at work and my role is to ensure that his work is as professional and as polished as possible as we work for numerous clients, some Fortune 500 companies. However, when I tell him that the presentation has a few errors, he gets all bent of joint and even acts likes he’s going to have some type of hissy fit. His voice gets high and shrill and sounds likes he’s whining. It’s really embarrassing. It’s to the point where I’m reluctant to approach him, but we all will be held responsible for client dissatisfaction. What should I do TT? (Rampers, MD)

Rampers,

You must not allow this colleague to interfere with your own duties and responsibilities. You must tell him and of course be brutally honest that mistakes are normal and to be expected. (That’s why the work is reviewed – “Hello? You dope.” ) What isn’t normal is you acting like a whiny little girl. You tell him to act like a man and stop being such a spoiled brat princess (because that’s what his problem really is). You can also say, “Now stop whining and get back to work. And if you don’t like it, don’t let the door hit you in your ass on the way out.”

PS

If some dingleberry from one of your Fortune 500 companies complains, tell them to drop dead and that they disgust you.  You are doing the best you can.

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Send requests for advice to toughtalk1122@gmail.com

 Tough Talk,

My husband and I are really close and are best friends. We did everything together, from bowling to window shopping to talking about our feelings. However, about three months ago his best friend from high school moved to this area of the country. And now he’s like another person. They’re always on the phone and planning activities that don’t include me. Also, when his friend shows up at our door at all hours without even calling, he acts like I’m the hired help and barely acknowledges me. I know everyone needs friends, but this guy really bothers me. What should I do TT? (Crooks’ Point, ID)

CP,

This is a tough one, but you need to lay down some rules with hubby and the old friend. One, he is not allowed over unless you sign off on it. Two, he needs to learn manners and engage in simple greetings. Three, if his attitude to you continues, he is persona non grata and will no longer be welcome at the home. Now, if he doesn’t change, and he does visit which he will do, greet him with a bucket of cold water and then laugh in his face and tell him you had no idea he was there. And now he can’t come inside because he’s all wet. You watch, do this once or twice, and his attitude will improve.

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Send requests for advice to toughtalk1122@gmail.com