Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

My best friend has just gotten over a tumultuous relationship with her boyfriend. They moved in together and were preparing the wedding when she discovered that he was on line trying to meet other women. He begged her forgiveness. She forgave him and caught him doing it again, three more times. She kicked him out, but he keeps simpering around like a little puppy dog. I know she is going to forgive him and make up with him.

I don’t want to see her get hurt again. What should I do? (Mapleton, Ohio)

Mapleton,

Unfortunately, you can’t change your friend’s feelings, bad choices and stupid decisions.   Your friend sounds like a lost cause and I wouldn’t waste your breath on explaining her stupidity. What you can do however, is go after the ex-boyfriend. Tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel and how utterly disgusted you are with him. Ask him about his on-line activities and other personal questions. You can easily embarrass him.  Make sure she’s around when you do this.

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Tough Talk,

I have a two chronic diseases that keep me in the house and in bed some days due to the extreme pain that I am in. Some times I can barely move and the prognosis is not good. I have two to five years left depending on which doctor I speak to. My wife however, doesn’t seem to care and ignores my please for help and even laughs when I’m in pain. All my relatives help their spouses, but she’s talking about putting me in a nursing home, selling the house that has been in the family for decades and moving to Newark, NJ. She can be down right nasty too. What should I do TT? (Burreville, VA)

Burreville,

Sorry for your situation.  The only thing you can do is to show your spoiled brat wife how it feels to be so vulnerable. I suggest you lock her in the bathroom, closet or some other room for several days. Leave buckets, jugs of water, junk food and of course bum wad. Also, you can play some awful song over and over and over. It’s important that she understand your situation. Also, focus on things that annoy her. If she doesn’t like it, there’s the door. It is she that will have to leave. Don’t let her push you around.

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Tough Talk,

I was divorced several years ago and dated a lot after that but never seemed to meet the right person . . . until now. We have dated for almost a year and are thinking about tying the knot. The problem is her son who is a young teenager. I understand that it is a tough age and it can’t be easy as his parents went through a bad divorce. However, he treats me like a putz and a loser and the truth is he’s a complete dope, even for a kid his age. I don’t want to be harsh, but he’s getting more and more obnoxious, like insulting my intelligence. I need your advice TT. (Thorston, DE)

Thorsty,

You are correct that it is a hard to be that age and go through a divorce, especially when it is hostile.   You need to handle this delicately. I would tell the Mom what a nasty piece of work her son is and that if he doesn’t knock it off he’s gonna get the crap kicked out of him. You won’t do it of course as it’s just an idle threat to get her to stop being a moron as she needs to address his behavior.

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TT,

I have a neighbor who is friendly and seems to be a decent guy. But he borrowed a pair of clippers and won’t return them after repeated requests. I always thought he was a cool guy, but one time I saw him laughing at me in a really condescending way. Maybe I was wrong in thinking it, but I feel there is something going on. What should I do? (Beavers’ Dam, Utah)

BD,

Your impression I’m sure is correct. You must realize that there are tons of backstabbing low-lives out there. Assume the worst.  Stay up as late as you can and march over to his front door and bang on it loudly. When he comes out, demand your clippers or you’re not leaving. Don’t be afraid to get nasty. Now if they aren’t there because he lost or threw them away, tell that arrogant dingleberry that you will report it as stolen property. Of course the police, won’t do anything so you will have to take other action. Don’t tolerate any nonsense. You have several options.

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Tough Talk,

My wife and I have recently started taking yoga. We really love our teacher who is a Vedic Master and our fellow students. They are kind, decent and compassionate (unless you drag a 20 dollar bill between them – but that’s another story). However, my wife can’t go five minutes without getting up and having to go to the bathroom or needs this or that or whatever. It’s like she is doing her best to annoy everyone and ruin the class. (One time she even cut the cheese and everyone was disgusted.)  I’m embarrassed when people look at me and say what the hell is wrong with her. I think my teacher wants to boot her. TT, what should I do?   (Essex, ND)

Essex,

I would talk to your Vedic Master and fellow students and see if anyone agrees with you. I’m sure most if not all do. Then see if they would like to have an interaction with your wife where you sit around and discuss your feeling and emotions as to why she is disgusting, needs to keep her big fat mouth shut and to stop being an all-around jerk.   Be tough, but fair. She will appreciate having her annoying behavior explained to her by a group of basically strangers with her husband egging them on.

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TT,

My husband and I have three children and we love them dearly. Our youngest girl has returned home after losing her job last March. She likes to be home and at first we loved it. But she seems to be putting off looking for work and is also been getting surly, as if we’ve all of a sudden done something wrong. We have always been good parents, no one is perfect, but we are proud of all our children. The other day, she told me that if I don’t like her behavior, there’s the door. In my home – TT where she doesn’t pay a bit of rent. I’m at my wits’ end TT. What should I do? (Crestwood, Texas)

Crestwood,

There is only one thing you can do. Your daughter needs to immediately go on a military schedule. You start at five in morning by throwing a large bucket of cold water on her and order push-ups and other calisthenics. Once she’s finished with that, she must stay outside of the home for an hour and go jogging or do yard work if you have one. Once that’s over, she must complete various chores for the day. For example, in my state, we have deposit bottles. Order her to find, clean and dispose of them and give you the money. Also, have her re-shingle the roof or paint your house. The more hazardous the activity, the better. Be creative. If she refuses, throw her and her crap out on the curb. She deserves no less.

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TT,

My friend Thelma is feisty, fun and bubbly. She is there in a pinch and would give you the shirt off your back. I love her like a sister. But she can be very superior if she thinks you’ve done something wrong and will spend a lot of time going over your failings. And unfortunately, she’s getting worse, starting to drink more, if you get my meaning TT. She is one of my best friends, but she can be really annoying. What should I do TT? (Dinoa, Mississippi)

Dinoa,

All people have their virtues and strengths as well as their foibles and failings. But there is also an old saying that you have to be cruel to be kind. The next time she bats off like a pompous jerk, tell her that she is no better being a drunk and a rude piece of work herself. Don’t be afraid to be honest and let her know that she is in no position to say jacks$*%! about anybody but herself. If she bats back, lower the drunken-bimbo boom.

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Tough Talk,

My husband and I have lived in the same home for more than 40 years. We have had several neighbors over the years. A couple years ago a gay couple moved across the street. We have always been pleasant and defended them when they were attacked by other neighbors. Things settled down and I thought we were on good terms when one came over and complained about our fireplace and a stern lecture on why I was destroying the environment. He was nasty and whiny, like a spoiled brat valley girl, walking off like a pompous jerk. I want to be a good neighbor and not bother him, but am offended by his rude behavior. How should I handle this TT? (West Dickinson, RI)

WD,

I am offended as well. You should ignore that whiny little poof and continue to live your life the way you normally would. Although I am against any type of discrimination, some disaffected individuals have turned their gayness into a badge of arrogance. Furthermore, you have lived there all your life and just doing something every homeowner should do without some spoiled brat getting in your face. If this snot-nose backstabber bothers you again, you let me know.

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Tough Talk,

I have been dating a wonderful man for a couple of years now. He is kind, handsome, gentle to a fault and very much in touch with his feelings. I enjoy our walks on the beach together. He has a good career and I like his friends and family too. Everything is going great and we have started talking about tying the knot and have looking for rings. But there’s a problem. He is not as religious as I am and need him to be. If you know me, you know how important my beliefs are and he is not interested at all. I don’ want to choose between him and my faith. What should I do TT? (Waynesburg, Wyoming)

Waynesburg,

The first thing you need to do is pull your head up from up out of your ass and drill a hole in your head to remove all the stupid juice you have accumulated up there. How can you be such a dope? Are you that insecure and childish that you have insist on another person’s belief system, no matter what the relationship is? If anything, you should worry about getting dumped yourself for such an immature outlook on morality. Now marry that guy before he realizes what a dope you are!

Send requests for advice to toughtalk1122@gmail.com

Tough Talk,

My 79 year-old Aunt “Betsy” wants to have her entire family over for her eightieth birthday. Bless her heart, she wants to make all our favorite meals and a little catering too, for almost 30 people. However, she is from another generation and does not like all these new fangled devices like smart phones. She has asked that we leave them in the car or at home for her party. My kids, nephews, nieces and even some of us older adults, seem to be addicted to them. How should I deal with my kids who I know will be a problem? (Mattydale, Oregon)

Mattydale,

You tell your spoiled-brat rugrats that they will comply with the request and that in life there are familial obligations that surpass their pathetic and childish needs. Explain in no uncertain terms that they will be going to the party and will leave their damn phones at home. They will not embarrass or bring shame to you at Aunt Betsy’s party. Otherwise, there will be hell to pay. And you must say this harshly. Don’t tolerate any crap. What happens if Aunt Betsy kicks the bucket? Then how would you feel?

Send requests for advice to toughtalk1122@gmail.com