Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

I love my brother-in-law.  He is kind, decent and a recognized and gifted teacher.  Lately however, he is depressed and mopey because his school is going down the gutter.  With the kids acting out, the arrogance and stupidity of the newest crop of teachers, and the gross and utter incompetence of the administration, he has lost his love of teaching.  What advice would you have for him TT? (Evanstone, North Dakota)

Evans- Tone,

The Irish have a saying, “Don’t get mad, get even.”  If he has tenure, he can shove a 2”-by-4” up the Admin and do as much damage as possible (and so what if he doesn’t).  As for the kids, tell them to direct their hostility and pathologies at the administrators and teachers who run his school.  Tell him to take action now, inflict real damage to those who deserve it and don’t be afraid to start problems!

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Tough Talk,

I started dating this this really great guy and we are taking it slowing after both of us having  just gotten past bad relationships.  My sister is getting married and she more or less decided to go out of her way and invite him to the wedding.  The thing is, I think it’s too soon to present him to the family as he does have some personality querks. But now he’s wants to get a tuxedo and is acting like he’s going to be the star of the show.  What do you think I should do TT? (Okell, Oregon)               

Okie,

Two problems: (1) Sis should keep her big fat mouth shut and mind her own damn business, (2) Your new boyfriend shouldn’t assume that you want him there notwithstanding the invite.  You have a little work cut out for yourself: First, tell sis to shut her piehole and if she doesn’t like it to blow it out her corn shoot.  And two, tell the new boyfriend that his quirks are weird and he gives you the creeps.  He’s not welcome . . . because you don’t want him there.  If he doesn’t like it, TS. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.

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Tough Talk,

I recently changed my work station and now share an area with some really crazy characters.  We have a water dispenser and we all add to it as we use it.  However, as it is one person’s device, I gave him some money as a sign of appreciation, but just wanted to keep it too myself and didn’t say anything.  Now he told our colleagues about it with a hint that they should also fork over some bucks. I don’t like that he told the coworkers who are now annoyed with my “donation,” but don’t want to start a problem just moving to this office.  What do you think TT? (Delano, Maryland) 

Franklin,

Unfortunately, starting a problem is exactly what you’re going to have to do.  Tell these “crazy characters” to stop being so ridiculous and acting like childish morons.  Then tell the guy with the machine to stop being a selfish dingleberry. Make sure everyone knows that you are thoroughly disgusted with their behavior.

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Tough Talk,

I have a good friend who recently lost her sister.  They were very close and I called her with my support and offers of help.  And I’m embarrassed to say, I never followed up like I said I would and waited several months to get back to her.  Now she won’t return my calls.  Notwithstanding what happened, I don’t think she should be so offstandish.  What do you think TT? (University, Alaska)

Uni-,

She shouldn’t be snotty to you.  But try to make it up to her with a bottle of Boones Farm or other sundry like good wholesome tobacco. She will appreciate the gesture.

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Tough Talk,

At my job I encounter a lot of travelers who have unique and interesting accents.  I can’t help myself and ask what type it is and most people are happy to tell me, but some people seem to be really offended.  How should I make sure that I don’t offend anyone TT? (Eden, South Carolina)

Eddy,

The best way to navigate this area is when you ask a person’s background, make sure you mimic the accent and do it while smirking and laughing in their face, “What a beautiful accent you have.”   Of course, say stupid things too. Everyone one will enjoy your attention to detail.

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Tough Talk,

One of my aunts was fairly wealthy, but growing up, she barely acknowledged me even though she always doted on my sisters, gave them presents and attended all those milestones and events.  She totally ignored me.  She just kicked the bucket and left my Mom money to distribute.  Mom generously gave me a portion, but has made it clear I can’t say anything negative about her.  I’m just telling the truth as I see it.  What should I do TT? (Turner, New Hampshire)

Turnski,

You should hit this head on and tell your Mom that her sister was a POS and you thought she was a stuck-up snot.  Then you turn your sights on Mom and tell her she’s being complete POSAH for attaching some stupid condition to the inheritance.   Chew her out good; she deserves it.  Who does she think she is?

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Tough Talk,

I work really hard in a social services center and we sometimes have very bad days dealing with people who are also upset.  I tell my wife this when I come home, asking her to cut me a little slack, but she really starts ripping into me about trivial and mundane nonsense. It’s like she waits all day until I get home.  TT should I ask her to give me a little space and consideration when I get home? (Keniworth, New York)

Kenny,

It is asking too much. Who do you think you are? As a good little puppy dog, you have no right to expect anything else.  Now go tuck your tail between your legs and do what you’re told.  What else can you expect for being such a gutless toad, Squidley?

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Tough Talk,

I have met the man of my dreams and he feels the exact same way.  He’s been offered the job that he’s worked so hard for years, but it’s on the other side of the country.  The problem is, I need to keep a promise I made a long time ago: I check on a friend’s property once a month to make sure it’s okay.  She has plenty of neighbors, friends and family to handle it, but I would feel guilty if I up and left and worry that she will be upset with me.  Should I forsake my fiancé to keep this promise? (Dunlop, Tennessee)  

Tennis Ball,

Of course . . . if you’re a complete dope and a moron. That’s a great idea that you should forsake happiness to keep some ridiculous promise.  What type of question is that?  Drill a hole in your head to remove all the stupid juice you have accumulated up there.

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Tough Talk,

I was over at my sister’s for one of our regular get-togethers.  She told me that a lid’s handle to a pan had been broken.  I bought this X-mas gift for her years ago and she always uses it.  My sister-in-law was there and admitted that she had broken it, (probably in a drunken stupor, but that’s another story TT). Anyways, they’re both saying that since I bought it, it’s my responsibility to fix it.  I’m not sure what I should do TT? What do you think? (Lyndale, Georgia)

Lyndope,

Tell them both to ES & DD.  Talk about a bunch of dopes.  What type of stupid question is that? Who do they think they are?

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Tough Talk,

I have a unique Irish name which is fairly long.  Some people change it to a nickname I really hate.  Making matters worse is the name that most people shorten it to the same name of a girl I went to high school with who was a bully and a snot  My sister says to not let it bother me and just accept it, but it really rubs me the wrong way.  Am I wrong for having these feelings and emotions TT? (Grandview, Minnesota)

Bigview,

You have every right to be annoyed and your sister is really obtuse and indifferent to this situation.  (What a dope!) Every time someone uses that nickname, you loudly tell them to blow it out their piehole and that you don’t like it.  It may take a little while, but people will take the hint.  Don’t back down on this. And if they don’t like it, tell them to FO&DD.

Happy Columbus Day Everyone! Have a great weekend!

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