Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

I have a daughter with three teenage children.  She recently lost her job and gained a fair amount of weight.  I made a few remarks about it during our weekly video call with the kids.  Since then, she no longer is around or will only talk on the phone now.  I don’t think I said anything wrong, but what do you think TT? (Norfolk, Arizona)

Norfolky,

What type of dope are you?  Of course she doesn’t want to talk to you for being so stupid.  How could you be so cruel?  The best thing you can do is keep your big fat mouth shut. 

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Tough Talk,

I have a son with a few small children.  He recently lost his position with a power factory and gained a bunch of weight.  I made a few remarks about it during our weekly zenith call with the kids.  Since then, he will not talk to me and always has something else to do.  I don’t think I said anything wrong, but what do you think TT? (McCarthy, Wisconsin)

McCarthy,

What type of whiney little girl is this guy?   You should be ashamed for having such a son who would get upset about just porking up a few pounds.  Tell him to pull the bug up from up out of his behind and be a man.

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Tough Talk,

I recently sent a card and cash gift to my friend’s daughter for her high school graduation.  I know things are different today, but I didn’t receive a thank you card as she has done in the past and her Mother says she is always on her phone now.  Is it too much to expect a simple thank you? (Capen, Alabama)

Capen,

No it is not.  You immediately send her a snotty note, either by text or mail,  “Thank you for your thank you card.  So nice to hear from my favorite snot-nosed stuck-up princess.”   Her Mother will thank you for it. ###

Tough Talk,

I run a program for people getting past some tough times and we read your columns everyday (at least when you have decided to bless us with your advice).  We are so proud of you and all you do.  We would like to have our group acknowledged and wonder what is the best way to seek recognition and acclamation? (Leroy, Vermont)

L. Fletcher,

Best thing you can do is find the local politician that you hate the most and put a bug up his or her ass on a daily basis.  Give him or her no quarter and ruthlessly criticize their incompetence.  You have no choice in the matter if you want truly want recognition. It will be a heartwarming and charitable endeavor. But most importantly, you will feel good about yourself.

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Tough Talk,

I think I met the right guy.  He is tall, handsome and very wealthy.  We have a dinner date planned and I want to ask him about his bank accounts, assets and other personal matters.  Do you think that’s a good idea TT? (Lisbon, Wyoming)

Lisbon,

I think it’s a great idea. He will adore your curiosity and genuine concern for his material goods.  Make sure you ask him for bank statements, proof of ownership of home(s), stocks, bonds . . . whatever.  It will be the beginning of a wonderful relationship.  I already hear wedding bells.

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Tough Talk,

I enjoy having friends and family over for dinner every so often, but one friend always starts removing plates and glasses and then begins to wash everything.  I appreciate the consideration, but I find it annoying if not embarrassing.  Everyone  looks at this guy, like what’s his problem.  What should I do TT? (Shawnee, Virginia)

Shawnee,

I’d let this one go.  Who cares if other people think it’s creepy?  Ask him if he’d like to clean your bathroom while he’s at it.  Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

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Tough Talk,

I have a friend and let’s just call him Lothar.  Lothar is smart, but not that smart and always has to act superior when having the most basic conversations, like he always knows something that you don’t, and that makes him better than everyone else.  He’s down right pompous TT.  Not sure what to do as he is always going to be a part of our scene.  (Hutchinson, West Virginia)

Hutch,

You have to immediately put Lothar in his place and tell him what a POS SUAH he is.  As in no one gives a damn what he has to say.  Tell him to shut his GD piehole and get lost. 

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Tough Talk,

My Mom has a friend, an elderly woman who needs some minor plumbing work done.  As I own a plumbing company I offered to give her an estimate and would do the work at a minimum price.  After several months of calling and canceling appointments, she is now saying I blew her off and have taken advantage of her time.  I sent her an estimate and never heard back.  She is now threatening to seek action or otherwise muddy up my name.  What’s the deal with this TT?  (Lebrun, Rhode Island & PP)

Lebruno,

Tell this batshit crazy old wackjob to FO&DD.  Don’t worry that she’s an elderly woman.  What else can you do? 

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TT has been on special assignment for the Company, but is coming back with all sorts of helpful advice. 🙂 Stay cool and hope you’re all well.

Tough Talk,

I have an uncle whom I really love knowing him since I was born.  I’ve always had a thick and bushy head of hair.  When I was little, he would greet me by mussing up my hair and always had a big smile on his face.  As a child, it never bothered me, but as an adult, I find it really annoying and creepy.  My husband says I’m being overly sensitive, and to just accept it as gesture of love and kindness.  Is he right TT? (Heath, Hawaii)

Heathbar,

No, your husband is a complete moron and your uncle is a total weirdo.  They should muss up either others’ hair. Ask them both, what the hell is their problem?  If they keep it up, prepare a bucket of cold water.

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