Tough Talk

Tough Talk,

I have a friend from work who recently took another job out of the area, but she still has friends and family here and likes to visit them almost every weekend.  When she left, I told her she could stay with me and she is now taking advantage, helping herself to my refrigerator, doing her laundry and leaving the bathroom totally disgusting. And garbage has been strewn around. She never says thank you, like she’s doing me a favor.  She also wants a set of keys so she can come and go when she likes.  TT, am I’m wrong for not being able to overlook these foibles? (Cordova, South Dakota)  

Cordoba,

No but you are a dope for tolerating this nonsense.  I’d tell her since she started crashing with you, you now get these awful fungal infections and your place really stinks and that it’s because of her awful body odor.  Or you could say that your utilities have gone up and sock her with a nice meaty bill.  Tell her to get lost or fork over some moolah.  If she doesn’t like it, tell her to ES and to take a hike.

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Tough Talk,

My best friend’s son is like a nephew to me.  He has met a wonderful young lady and they are both foodies and proudly so.  They have moved in with each other and are likely to be married.  His girlfriend looks great as she regularly exercises and eats and drinks in moderation.  But my “nephew” has been gaining weight and developing acne and pustules.  Although he is handsome, he is really starting to lose his looks. I don’t want to hurt his feelings or butt my nose where it doesn’t belong, but should I bring this to his attention.  What do you think TT? (Joshua, Arkansas)

Josh,

You need to immediately bring this to his attention and emphasize he is really starting look and smell crappy.  If you genuinely care about him, this is exactly what you’re going to have to do.  You don’t have a choice. 

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Tough Talk,

I love my wife and we regularly like to go out for some fine dining.  However, I was raised with manners and understand that there is a social function to all these sittings.  My wife, not so much, as she regularly forgets to place her napkin on her lap and to use the correct silverware for the proper courses.  It’s really starting to bug me TT and I’m not sure how to address these regular and embarrassing faux pas. (Donalbain, Florida)

Donner,

Is it really starting to bug you? You need to “faux pas” get a life and pull your head out of your corn shoot. You should be grateful someone actually would go out in public with you as you sound like total squid.  Get a life Paco.

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Tough Talk,

I love my Dad, but I was just offered a job which I would really like, but requires travel and time away from the area.  My sister refuses to offer any assistance living close by.  I want to take it, but Dad says he’ll go to hell and degenerate into a pool of foul and disgusting  puke and I believe him. What’s your advice Tough Talk? (Flower, Iowa) 

Flow,

Tell Dad to get over himself and stop whining.  Also, maybe think of taking him with you if you can find a suitcase or duffel bag that fits him.

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Tough talk,

My sister has two adorable children.  However, she spoils them in unhealthy ways, like feeding them ice cream whenever they ask for it and letting them fall asleep wherever they are and not sending them to bed. I’ve tried to talk to her about it, but she changes the subject. What do you think I should do TT? (Westin, North Carolina)

Western,

For the sake of the children, you have to sit your sister down and explain what a totally crappy mom she is and don’t let her avoid the subject.  She may think she is being cool and down-to-earth, but she is just going to turn these kids into spoiled brats.  Tell her to stop being such a dope.

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Tough Talk,

My daughter is having a wedding and I am in the thick of things handling all these issues for her.  I thought it would be a great idea to do some games for the guests like family trivia pursuit, charades or whatever.  Nobody seems to be interested, but I think it would be a lot of fun especially if we tailored it to our relatives.  TT, how do I get people to participate in what will be a wonderful evening for all? (Princeton, Idaho)

Princess,

What you call a wonderful evening for all sounds like a complete wackfest to me. Of course nobody wants to do this.  Are you that obtuse?  I wouldn’t waste my time with this nonsense.

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Tough Talk,

I have niece who puts out cute little videos of her country-line dancing.  We helped her through college and getting her on her feet.  All our friends want to know how she is doing so we send out the little clips that she sends us.  Now, she is very angry and upset when we told her that our best friends think they are great.  Should I be offended about this attitude TT? (Westminster, North Dakota)

Westminister,

You should be very offended! You are clearly proud of her and just wanting to share that experience.  If she doesn’t understand that, even after you helped her, it shows she’s a spoiled and snot-nosed brat.  Tell her to pull the bug out from up out of her ass.  Who does she think she is? 

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Tough Talk,

One of my best friends from childhood is someone I care about a lot.  However, whenever she discusses me with her friends and family, she exaggerates and embellishes things I have said or have done which seems to be a way for her to make fun of me and act superior.  I’ve tried to tell her it’s not nice, but she either ignores me, minimizes what she said and if I press it, gets really mean and nasty.  What should I do TT? (Merrimac, Oregon)

Merrymac,

You need to force an outburst and tell her what a POSAH she is and then, if she doesn’t like it, tell her what does she expect for being such a SNSOS.  If she doesn’t apologize, tell her to ES and cut her loose.  And when anybody asks, make up some story where she robbed a bank or became a moll.

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Tough Talk,

My brother is younger than I am, and after years of being apart, we have started to meet and talk regularly.  He has a husband and often wants to bring him along.  I have nothing against gay people, but it is a new experience.  The problem is, I just don’t like the guy.  He wears this God-awful perfume, makes snide remarks and has the stupidest jokes.  He is also very arrogant and acts superior when we discuss family matters. Do you think there is something wrong with me TT? (Kenfield, California)

Kenny,

I don’t like this guy either.  I guess he can be referred to as a fragrant homosexual. Notwithstanding a person’s disaffected status, that doesn’t mean he should be a snot-nosed brat and complete FA.  But there is something wrong with you for letting him into these discussions.  Tell your brother that his surly sidekick is a pompous ass and jerk and stinks like an Albanian whore.  Don’t woose out.

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Tough Talk,

I have two brother and four sisters.  I moved from the northeast to the southwest with my husband for his work almost ten years ago.  We have visited my family several times and have four of my siblings visit several times.  However, a sister and a brother refuse to visit as if we live in the desert or a prison and always blame their spouses on not wanting to go.  I think it best that I just let it slide and stop bothering them.  What’s your opinion TT? (Montclair, Utah) 

Monty,

I wouldn’t let this slide at all.  You need to be “proactive” and immediately invite them to your home and when they blow you off, you tell them what squid and losers they are and that blaming the spouse is just a cop-out.  Who do they think they are?  This is about family GDI.

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